Frustrated

So I turned 32 last week. I don't feel much older physically or mentally really. Emotionally... maybe. I noticed that care less about trivial things.

And when I say "care less about" it may be that I am just more picky about those things and not sure why.

Women: for some reason women have really meant nothing to me. Not sure why.. but when I look at them I don't see them as most other guys would. As I told my friend the other day.. when I start talking to women.. regardless of who they are... they would more likely annoy me before getting my interest. It isn't that most women are annoying.. I am just saying that i would reach a point of annoyance before I get interested. I feel this may have to do with my ex. I have been single for 6 months and I felt I was ready enough to move on after our mutual breakup. I guess I probably was ready, but wasn't fully prepared. At least that is what I think it is. Cause last weekend she went out with some guy on a group date to try and "get to know him better" you know.. the whole "beginning stages" of getting to date someone. That was the proverbial nail in the coffin. Not that I had reason to be upset. But it was a definitive "lets move on now" kinda thing. Well besides finding this out on Monday, on top of it being a bad Monday and on top of one of my female friends loosing my utmost respect because of her lack of willpower set me in a pretty irritable mood. A mood I am not used to feeling.

Friends: There are some friends that I care for a lot for. I hang with them regularly. Some how I feel as if the link is gradually weakening and I don't know why. It started with David.. and he stopped showing up because he started a new relationship.. which for some reason means he can no longer hang with friends. even on weekends when he isn't working. I know what it is to be in a relationship with a women that wants nothing more than your 100% attention. I dated one for along time. And I did what I wanted none the less... which could be why I am single now.. but I am not going to date an insecure woman, that NEEDS to have me around 24/7 to make herself happy.. All women should have their own friends. .be their own people and have their own shit together before involving themselves with me because I am a gamer, I have lots of friends and I am a social butterfly. I know this is nothing that would entice someone to date someone like me but I will not and do not bullshit people about my views. Hell reading my blogs can tell you that. Organized religion is for the weak willed and/or terribly frightened humans that can't grasp no life after death. I also don't believe in marriage. One day.. i MIGHT get married.. but again.. I would have to be with a girl for 6-8 years before even considering it.

My friend Craig seems distracted by something. He thought I was hiding something from him last week when I wasn't .. and I wasn't sure if that was misunderstood. but it just seems uncomfortable around me or my place. Could be my imagination, could be additional friends. His friend Tori has been hanging around with us a lot since he introduced her and I don't' know their full history together but maybe that is the trigger for it. But I can't help think it may be something with me.

So ya.. I am trying to have a good weekend with friends.. relaxation.