No Clubbin for me!

Didn't go to Freedom tonight! This was supposed to be a big night with DICOVERY CHANNEL. And all kinds of other cool stuff. But I am not up for it..I haven'tbeen up for much of anythign lately. I am really agressive lately. Not sure why.. but this is once in a long while that i feel like I can REALLY go out and beat the shit out of someone for NO reason at all. Which is NOT like me at all. But I have this "anger flame" burning on my stomach.. andI really don't know why. I think it is cause of all the shit that is backed up.. in my life or what not. People irritate the fuck out of me sometimes... more now that it used too. I have been VERY unsocial lately. Not sure why. I know that last night I went to Alternative night at Andersons. For a change. It was alright. But just looking at those people irritate me. And other.. I just have to get to know them first before they irritate me. Either way ... I get irritated alot lately.. and I don't like it.. cause it isn't any fun. ohh well.

I might not go out tomarrow! Either.

I am sure I am canning my Mexico trip.. at the end of this month. And it seems like EVERYONE wants me to go... and THAT irritates me. I wont be any fun. I have NOONE to bring, I wont drink. SO I am thinking.. WTF... and I don't have the $$ and I really have no good reason... Hell I am partially hispanic.. and I can't find one good reason to go to wet-backville. I really need to release some stress.....

I find that I am the center of a WEB.. and everything around me is depending on me.. and I can't even depend on myself.. and it makes me feel bad that I can't be there all the time..mostly cause I am insticually nice and always want to be there.. but I can't... I upset myself.... and when I try to be there for people that I think are worth it.... I don't get appreciation.

Last night at Andersons.. some guy was TECHNO dancing all raver style and throwing kicks spins.. pretending he know Capoeira. And I walk by him.... he SEES me in my Asian Silk .. Manderin Suit.. and must have thought "Hmm.. is this guy all kung fu".. blah blah.. what ever, but he thought it was a good idea to run up and wrap his arm around my neck. Well.. I hope he didn't feel too stupid when he was tripped to the ground...he got up.. looked at me.. and like.. ran back into the crowd. at the time.. it went by so fast I didn't get mad enough to chase his ass, but right now I would love to get a hold of him...... grrrrr